CHRISTAIN HOME BUILDING

What is a Christian Home?
Old movies, especially those we see around Christmas time, do a lot to contribute to our opinions of what a Christian home should look like. The same is true for the old sitcoms. If we combine the two, we may be left to think that a Christian home has a father (who is served by his wife and children), a mother (who serves the father and the children), and the children, who serve the father, and sometimes live in fear of being discovered when they did something wrong. Additionally, we may learn that the father will sit down at Christmas and read from a thick book of folktales and all live happily ever after.
While this little glimpse into a Stepford version of Utopia may appear genuine, it is far removed from the truth of life and from the truth of spirituality.
We must therefore come to an understanding of what the Scriptures say about a Christian home, the roles the parents play, and the roles they must avoid.
The Role of the Father
The family has a built-in authority structure: the husband is the uncontested leader of the wife and the parents jointly are the leaders of the children. Many a time the supporting Scripture has been used to justify a man who seeks to be served, and who seeks to keep his wife under “his thumb”. Nothing could be further from the truth! Biblical leadership is a form of serving rather than of tyranny. (1) Just as Christ sought to give the church everything it needed, even at the expense of His own life, so the father must look after his wife’s interests at his own expense.
Following this principle allows the father to set the tone for the household. The building of a strong family life must always be a top priority in a father’s service of God. It is unspiritual for a father to neglect this role, or to delegate it to someone else. In order to achieve this, the father must love God first and foremost, then his wife and then the children. His love for his wife must be underscored by the fact that he commits to the family unit 100% and does not see divorce as an option. His love for his children is underscored by the fact that they are secure in the fact that the world does not revolve around them, but instead, that they fit in neatly within a functioning family.
True spiritual leadership of a family unit requires
• the father to make a choice whether or not he will follow God wholeheartedly and also lead his family in this path, and then follow through with the strength of his conviction. (2)
• the father to pray with his wife and with the children
• the father to provide for his family financially, so they will not fear eviction, homelessness, hunger, or medical neglect (3)
• the father to fulfill the role of mentor to his children, be it on spiritual matters or be it on manners at the dinner table
• the father to deal with each child in fairness, and never, ever, play favorites. (4)
• the father to be compassionate, understanding, and forgiving (5)
• the father to be encouraging and comforting to his children (6)
• the father to apologize quickly and without prompting (7)
What is God's Plan for training a Child?
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Proverbs 22:6
Please note that oftentimes when someone thinks of a religiously influenced parenting plan, they conjure up images of children cowered into submission by beatings, alienated from playmates due to customs and dress code, and unable to stand up to their oppressors. Nothing could be further from the truth! A God-centered parenting plan is proactive, and designed to build up a child’s spiritual self.
The Good
Jesus himself once addressed parenting in His parable of the “Lost Son“. While Jesus does not get into the specifics of the characters’ home life up to the point of the events, we can glean that the father’s two sons were entirely different in their character. On the face of it, the older son was the mature, responsible child, while the younger son appeared to be the “wild child” who couldn’t wait to get out from under his father’s wings. The father’s parenting skills shine forth, when he allows his younger son to leave home, fully knowing that this boy would get himself into trouble; he does not react to the obvious insult of being asked for his money as inheritance while still being very much alive; further, the father’s wisdom is evident when the boy finally does come to his senses: no bridges had been burned, no temporary feelings of being right versus righteous were given way to, and so the road was paved for the younger son to return to his father and make amends, confident that he would be welcomed.
At this point one might feel somewhat hopeless, especially in light of the fact that this story is only a parable Jesus told, and so the characters are probably just made up. Nonetheless, one does not have to be a paragon of wisdom to train a child in a godly way. For example, Timothy was the son of a Greek father and a Jewish mother, who later converted to Christianity.
(1) Thus, he grew up in a home where at least one parent was a non-believer. Timothy was brought up by his grandmother and mother in the Jewish faith, and then later on in the Christian faith.
(2) It became soon apparent that Timothy was destined to work for the gospel
(3), and was later considered a loyal and obedient follower of Paul.
(4)Consider also Jesus Christ, the author and perfector of our faith, as He is called in the Bible. Mary started out as a single mom who married when pregnant. We hear nothing about Joseph‘s parenting; we know later that not even His family thinks of Jesus at one point of his ministry as being the true Messiah.
(5) Nonetheless, He proceeded down the path God gave Him.

Christian Parenting - To Choose
Christian parents face the difficult task of raising children in a world of "correctness." In the past, children grew up in a society that clearly defined what was right and what was wrong. Parents were recognized as the primary authority figure in their children's lives. Now as the world conforms, our children react to the unprecedented immorality, anti-family, and anti-parent concepts in schools and media.

Parents show increasing concern as their children are encouraged to shun strict rules and biblical truths. Whenever the application of God's laws is mentioned, a flurry of organizations warn parents not to impose their own values upon their children. But the Christian parent understands the wickedness of exchanging God's truth for a lie. The Bible speaks of the "insolent, arrogant, and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents. . ." (Romans 1:30). Rebellion and disobedience are just as pervasive today as parental authority disintegrates. Today, parents must choose who and what shapes their children's lives. Without a doubt, God still holds parents responsible for their children - to instruct them and to discipline them.
Christian Parenting - To Instruct
In the Old Testament, Moses reminds the Israelites of their responsibility to their children and grandchildren. "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them" (Deuteronomy 4:9-10). We would all like to believe that our children will make the right choices based on lessons taught. If our child found a dollar bill at the playground, what would he do with it? What sort of "measuring rod" will a child apply as his benchmark for honesty? Perhaps that child will recall how his father returned over-paid change to a cashier.

When we instruct our children, we are not simply presenting a list of rules to follow. We are letting our "actions speak" by training them according to God's standards. By living a righteous life, parents provide their children with the understanding of how God's rules govern all our lives. Then, as our children mature, they develop a habit of doing right, serving God by making their own decisions.

It is the goal of every parent to see their children accept responsibility for their decisions. If our children learn from their mistakes and accept godly correction, then we are on the right course. One father tried to take a short-cut in explaining responsibility by saying, "It's not what you do, but whether or not you get caught. And if you get caught. . .be willing to pay the consequences!" Obviously, there's no fast-track for instructing children. Parental instruction is an arduous journey that begins at birth and continues for many years. And there may be countless times when our children make careless decisions and even choose to reject instruction. These are the times when discipline is most necessary.
Christian Parenting - To Discipline
Theories on "correct" discipline change every few years - the Bible never changes. If children do not obey, they must receive correction. The Bible teaches this should be done by using a rod of correction. "The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother" (Proverbs 29:15). Often parents become weary disciplining young children. At times, a typical day seems to consist of nagging and scolding. Parents wonder if they have ruined every chance for a loving relationship with their children. They may even be tempted to give up altogether. "Only God knows what to do with this child," they groan. YES GOD DOES!!

God chooses each parent with great care. "For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just. . ." (Genesis 18:19). God entrusts your children to your specific care. He wants you to know that kind, firm correction will train your children to obey Him. "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord" (Colossians 3:20). Consistent, loving correction helps children learn biblical truths like self-discipline. God knew Abraham would raise godly children and God blessed him. By applying God's standards, we too can receive God's blessings as parents.
Can Teenagers be parented with Christian Principles?
Applying Christian principles is never too late, unfortunately, if a parent has not laid a solid Christian foundation within the home, the effect of the principles applied later on in life may take some time to bear fruit. Nonetheless, with God all things are possible, and He blesses our every effort. It is never too late for our children.
What the parents of teenagers must remember are their own teenage years, filled with insecurity, aching to fit in, assaulted by bodily changes that went beyond logical explanation, and emotional ups and downs so steep, there left some almost debilitated. During this trying time it is the parent’s responsibility to be the voice of reason, the assurance of love, and the solid part of the family that will love the teen no matter how unlovable s/he may appear at any given time.
Further, parents must come to terms with the fact that their child is growing up. While many decisions must still be made on the child’s behalf, s/he can no longer be treated as if s/he were 10 years young. Parents must learn how to treat their kids with respect like the young adults they were becoming. There are several factors that will assist in the successful Christian parenting of teenagers.
Unconditional Love
Without being solicited to do so, repeatedly and sincerely tell your teens you love them. Cards, gifts, money, etc. are all nice and well, but nothing can replace a sincerely verbalized “I love you” and a big hug to go with it.
As parents, it is vital that our expressions of love are not tied to performance, either personal or academic. Teens worry about not only being popular, but also about their futures. They worry about college, work, or lack thereof. Do not add to the stress by leading your teen to believe that s/he has to earn your love by performing according to your standards. Instead, offer yourself as a safe place where your teen can come and escape from the pressure, the worry, and the temptations of life and adulthood.
Even if you find it hard to believe in your child, do so anyway. Compliment her/him, sincerely and specifically on anything you can think of. Remind them of their positive qualities and achievements. (1)
Additionally, as parents we must fight our own temptations to give in to peer pressure. When young mothers discuss the achievements of their babies, such as talking, walking, climbing, it sometimes appears as though they seek to up one another, with the implication being that an advanced baby is the product of a “good“ mother. This mindset, if cultivated, does not change during life. There will always be the pressure to keep up with the “Joneses” or maybe even do one better than that, by pushing a child to achieve for the sake of achieving, to prepare for entering an ivy league school for the sake of the reputation, and by berating the child for not living up to these parental expectations. Christian parents may very well be anxious about their child’s future, but must learn to cast these anxieties onto God’s shoulders to carry. (2)
Other practical advice, may include:
• Never tell your child they are unlovable
• Do not point out other children who may achieve higher and ask why s/he can’t follow their example
• Focus on your child’s assets, and help her/him to see them also
• Do not dismiss your child’s bad behavior as just being a “phase”, instead build them up when they act the part of the soon to be adult, and stick with the boundaries you defined