Obidence to God bring prosperity to any one that obey. what is the meaning of obidence? obidence is the following the rule and regulation without miss anything out of it. if you obey God almighty, your days will be spend in prosperity. according to what deut 27. said about the obident, if you obey God, your going out will be bless, your coming in will also be bless. not only that, if you are have beeing failling in any aspect of life, the Lord God, is ready to lift you high above every failure. success are from God, if you lay the rule and regulation that every body in your family must follow, and one of your child disobey you, how will you feel? like wise God, when we disobey him, he will not be happy with us. As a child of the most high God, let obey him, because its the fourth foundation of prosperity. God loves you more than you taught.
WIFE OBEY YOUR HUSBAND
As a wife in the house, you must learn to obey your husband at all time. beacuse he is the head that God almighty has gave the authority. he will cbe there for you at all time. as wife that want to be a great mum, dont think because you are now had kiddes to take care and you will abandon your first born(HUSBAND). this should't be involve.
CHILDERN OBEY YOUR PARENT
AS a children in the family, you duty is to first obey what your parent. according to what the bible said if we obey our parent that our days will be long in the land. if we also obey them, our own children we obey us too. i want you to know that what we sow today, is what we are going to reap in the future.
EMPLOYEE
As a employee, you must obery your employer, if you want your own employee to obey you too. i want you to know that, "AN EFFECTIVE FOLLOWER, IS AN EFFECTIVE LEADER" if you dont follow the rule and regulation, your own emplyee also will not obey you.
REMEMBER. OBIDENT IS THE FOURTH FOUNDATION OF PROSPERITY.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Sex in Accordance with God's Will
Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that’s why he puts stumbling blocks in your way. But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex. Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body’s needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage.
You may be shocked at first by this idea. Isn’t anal sex (sodomy) forbidden by the Bible? Isn’t anal sex dirty? What’s the difference between having anal sex before marriage and having regular intercourse? Let’s address these issues by debunking some myths about anal sex and God's will.
“I thought the Bible said anal sex was a sin.”
This is a common misconception. Anal sex is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible’s condemnation of homosexual acts. However, it’s important to realize that these often quoted scriptures refer only to sexual acts between two men. Nowhere does the Bible forbid anal sex between a male and female.
In fact, many Biblical passages allude to the act of anal sex between men and women. Lamentations 2:10 describes how “The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,” indicating how a virginal maidens should position themselves to receive anal sex. Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman’s pride in her “valley” (referring to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: "How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, {saying,} ' Who will come against me?' (Jeremiah 49:4) And in the Song of Songs, the lover urges his mate to allow him to enter her from behind: “Draw me after you, let us make haste.” (Song of Solomon, 1:4)
“Isn’t anal sex dirty?”
The Bible says, “To the pure, all things are pure.” (Titus 1:15) The Lord created your body, and no part of it is imperfect or unclean. God also created our bodies for pleasure, and anal sex is just one of the many ways, including standard sexual intercourse, that we can enjoy this pleasure and share it with a partner.
Although the anus is used for elimination, in reality it is not as dirty as you think, especially after a shower or bath. Elimination is also a natural process of our God-given bodies, so our conception of the anal area as dirty has more to do with our own psychological hang-ups. If the idea of direct contact with this area is still distasteful to you, the male can wear a condom as a barrier
“If you’re going to have anal sex, why not just have regular sex?”
This is a good question: If you’re going to have sexual contact before marriage, why not just go the whole nine yards and have regular sex? There are many good reasons for having anal sex instead. The first reason is practical: having conventional vaginal intercourse can lead to unwanted pregnancies. While it’s true that the Lord bade us to “be fruitful and multiply,” (Gen 1:22) the Bible also counsels that “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” (Ecl. 3:1) Pregnancy outside of wedlock can have dire and life-altering consequences for all those involved. Having anal sex allows you to greatly reduce this risk.
Second, for a young woman who has never engaged in sexual intercourse, having anal sex allows her to preserve her virginity (i.e., maintain an intact hymen) until marriage. There is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night.
Finally, anal sex allows both partners to save the most intimate and powerful sexual act, that of face-to-face vaginal intercourse, for their mates in marriage. This type of sexual relationship represents the most powerful union between a man and a woman, and so it rightfully should be reserved for one’s life partner. Fortunately, you can engage in anal sex prior to marriage and still be able to share the deeper, more meaningful act of consecrated love through vaginal intercourse with your wedded spouse.
You may be shocked at first by this idea. Isn’t anal sex (sodomy) forbidden by the Bible? Isn’t anal sex dirty? What’s the difference between having anal sex before marriage and having regular intercourse? Let’s address these issues by debunking some myths about anal sex and God's will.
“I thought the Bible said anal sex was a sin.”
This is a common misconception. Anal sex is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible’s condemnation of homosexual acts. However, it’s important to realize that these often quoted scriptures refer only to sexual acts between two men. Nowhere does the Bible forbid anal sex between a male and female.
In fact, many Biblical passages allude to the act of anal sex between men and women. Lamentations 2:10 describes how “The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,” indicating how a virginal maidens should position themselves to receive anal sex. Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman’s pride in her “valley” (referring to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: "How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, {saying,} ' Who will come against me?' (Jeremiah 49:4) And in the Song of Songs, the lover urges his mate to allow him to enter her from behind: “Draw me after you, let us make haste.” (Song of Solomon, 1:4)
“Isn’t anal sex dirty?”
The Bible says, “To the pure, all things are pure.” (Titus 1:15) The Lord created your body, and no part of it is imperfect or unclean. God also created our bodies for pleasure, and anal sex is just one of the many ways, including standard sexual intercourse, that we can enjoy this pleasure and share it with a partner.
Although the anus is used for elimination, in reality it is not as dirty as you think, especially after a shower or bath. Elimination is also a natural process of our God-given bodies, so our conception of the anal area as dirty has more to do with our own psychological hang-ups. If the idea of direct contact with this area is still distasteful to you, the male can wear a condom as a barrier
“If you’re going to have anal sex, why not just have regular sex?”
This is a good question: If you’re going to have sexual contact before marriage, why not just go the whole nine yards and have regular sex? There are many good reasons for having anal sex instead. The first reason is practical: having conventional vaginal intercourse can lead to unwanted pregnancies. While it’s true that the Lord bade us to “be fruitful and multiply,” (Gen 1:22) the Bible also counsels that “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” (Ecl. 3:1) Pregnancy outside of wedlock can have dire and life-altering consequences for all those involved. Having anal sex allows you to greatly reduce this risk.
Second, for a young woman who has never engaged in sexual intercourse, having anal sex allows her to preserve her virginity (i.e., maintain an intact hymen) until marriage. There is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night.
Finally, anal sex allows both partners to save the most intimate and powerful sexual act, that of face-to-face vaginal intercourse, for their mates in marriage. This type of sexual relationship represents the most powerful union between a man and a woman, and so it rightfully should be reserved for one’s life partner. Fortunately, you can engage in anal sex prior to marriage and still be able to share the deeper, more meaningful act of consecrated love through vaginal intercourse with your wedded spouse.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
MARRIAGE AND GOD
In the image of God. Here is the first statement in the bible that something is not good - V18. It is not good for the man to be alone. It is not good, for we cannot be fully human if we are alone. Humans are made in the image of God and God is a community of three. In the trinity the three persons honour one another, the three persons give to one another, the three persons receive from one another, the three persons serve on another. All this is love in action.
So when God created Adam he created him to live in a community too. Hence he must have a partner.
The woman is created out of the man. She is bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. Adam understood that they were truly one. God did not create two races, a male and a female race.
So in creating humans as male and female in his image and joining them together so that they become one flesh, God makes us a copy of himself in His trinitarian unity and distinction as one God and three persons. So the man and his wife are one yet they are still separate entities, as are the members of the Godhead. In creating man male and female and joining them together so that they become one flesh God make us copies of himself. The Godhead came first and then we were created in that image.
The relationship that exists between a man and wife is the closest relationship possible between humans. It is closer than that which can ever exist between a parent and a child. The marriage relationship takes precedence over all other relationships. When it comes to the point you must put your partner before your parents and children. 2:24 we are told that a son would decided against his parents in favour of a woman and he would take the initiative and cleave to her. (Not she primarily to him).
Which is why when we marry we must leave our parents and cleave to our spouse. The relationship with the parents now takes second place. Our first loyalty and allegiance is to our spouse. When you marry you come out from under your parents' authority and care. (But not out from under _parental_ authority and care. You are under God's.)
There are three pillars of marriage.
1. Sexual intercourse. Without sexual intercourse there is no marriage. Sexual intercourse without marriage is wrong. God created sexual activity to be part of a permanent relationship and outside of that it will damage you. Sexual intercourse is not just a bodily activity. It touches you deep within your spirit. (1 Cor 6:15-29) God has so built the man that when sexual intercourse takes place his spirit latches on to that woman to protect her and provide for her and to care for her. In like manner, a woman's spirit latches onto the man and she looks to that man to nurture and care for her and to bless him by bringing forth children for him.
To have all this open up while still living at home with obligations to parents is to bring all sorts of stresses into our lives. You cannot be a true partner while still living at home. You must leave your parents and commit yourself to your partner. When we are ready to start having sex we should want our parents' blessing. That is why we have marriage services, and our parents send us off after the ceremony to bed! Jesus is waiting for his bride and so should we. Adam received his wife from God and was full of thanks for her. So should we be!
It has been said that the foremost cause of premarital sexual activity in teenagers is parental failure. It has been claimed "it is respect for parents that will cause a teenager to want to keep themselves chaste. And inversely teenagers instinctively know that the most powerful way of punishing their parents is to throw away their sexuality". The only way to over come bad parenting is to come to know God as Father. Fathers: do not leave your teenage girls with such lack of affection and affirmation that there is an enormous hole in their emotions just waiting to be filled by some lust-filled boy. Mothers: boys who are belittled by their mothers will have a resentment toward females that can express itself in wanting to defile a girl rather than cherish her.
2. Covenant or contract. But the marriage must be based on more than sexual activity. No marriage will last if sexual excitement is all that it has going for it. A marriage commences when two people covenant to live together for the rest of their lives. They make vows to this end. These vows are made without qualifications or conditions. These vows are a commitment to live out marriage as marriage was meant to be lived.
In Ephesians 5:32, when speaking of marriage in Gen 2:24, Paul says that he is talking of a "profound mystery". Now the profound mystery is that 2:24 is speaking of more than the marriage of Adam and Eve. It is also dealing with the marriage that is going to take place between Jesus and his people. The relationship that exists between Jesus and his people is like the relationship of marriage. Therefore our marriages are copies of this original. God made us male and female and designed the marriage relationship in order that we might have a glimpse into what is the depth and the breadth of the relationship between Jesus and his church and the essence of the relationship within the trinity.
We could say that God is on about a marriage. The marriage of the church to his Son. The end of the creation is to provide a spouse for the son of God. It is God's desire to admit the church into the divine family as the bride of his son. (Rev 19:7-9)
So the relation between Jesus and his people is the model for us in our marriages.
There is nothing he will not do for his people. This is seen in the story of Hosea and Gomer where Hosea represents God and his wife Gomer the people of God. It is not a nice story. Gomer has affairs. She leaves him with the three children. She moves in with another man. Yet even when she is in financial trouble in this new relationship Hosea still provides for her. Eventually dumped and abandoned she is to be sold as a slave. There she is humiliated as she has to stand naked before the crowd, an embarrassment to all. Hosea comes, buys her and owns her as his wife. Goodness knows the agony of Hosea's life. In Deut 24 there are provisions for divorce. Hosea did not use them. If there were no options then we could say that Hosea had no choice but to hang in there. But he did have a choice and he chose not do use them. He is love. It is no law that holds God to us. Man and woman were made in love. For them to love would have been natural. We have been structured to love. Not to love is an oddity.
For a husband to be what a husband is meant to be he must give himself up for his spouse. Jesus longs for his people to live in his image. Jesus went to the cross for his people.
We must see that marriage is not the ultimate. It is a symbol of the ultimate. The primary marriage is the marriage of the bride and the lamb. Our marriages are copies of that marriage. Our marriages are living demonstrations of that marriage. Our marriages are models of the true marriage. That is why when asked about divorce Jesus said that from the beginning it was not so. God created Adam and Eve to be together permanently. This is why Jesus said that no one was to put asunder that union. (Mat 19:6)
Therefore to enter a marriage and to take the vows means that we are setting ourselves up for some really hard work. Jesus' spouse causes him the most awful suffering and your spouse will cause you suffering. You must accept that to be married will mean some suffering. True love will face that and deal with it. Throw away your images of what your spouse should be. The goal of marriage is not pleasure but the doing of the right thing. We live in a culture that encourages a love of self. We see our partners as there to contribute to our sense of well-being and when they do not we feel that the marriage has no further purpose. Our marriage does not exist just for us! It exists for the glory of God. God would have us be living examples of his love for us.
In Eph 5:21 we are called to submit to one another. The husband submits to the wife's needs by serving her and loving her, just as much as did Jesus the church. The husband builds her up and by leaving his father and mother in order to live with her he devotes all his energies to enriching her life. The wife submits to the husband by allowing him to be the head of the home and following him through life. The wife's role is that of helper. V18. The relationship cannot have two different goals. It cannot go in two different directions. The wife's role is to support the man in his endeavours in life. Her satisfaction will be in serving her husband. This is the way that God created her. We live to serve not be served.
Marriage in our society is made up of two parts: legal paper work and a church service. But divorce is only made up of one part - the legal. Folk come to the church and ask for the church's blessing on their marriage but they do not come back and ask for the church's blessing on their divorce. Why? Surely some divorces need to be blessed. Or if the church cannot bless the divorce the couple ought to be told so up front.
Yet it must be said divorce as a way of avoiding the inevitable suffering of marriage is despicable. The death of a marriage is so painful that we can in our distorted state seek to ameliorate the pain by forming another relationship. This is dangerous. There is no way around the pain. Covering it with a new relationship will not work. 75% of all second marriages fail. What humans desire almost more than anything else is emotional satisfaction and nothing spurs the emotions like sexuality. The desire for sexual fulfilment and intimacy tends to override a rational approach to this matter of marriage and divorce.
3. The third pillar of marriage is companionship. There should be a rich friendship between the marriage partners. A couple's minds should be united in that they have a common goals and dreams. They should have similar interests in that they talk about all the affairs of their days and find satisfaction in listening to each other.
There should be a marriage of the spirits too. Not to be able to share intimate spiritual realities with each other, not to be able to pray with each other, not to be able to worship with each other will deprive the marriage of great richness. In fact far better for two non-Christians to be married than a non-Christian to a Christian. Note 2 Chron 8:11: Solomon could never be close to his wife Pharaoh's daughter: she had to have a separate home. To marry a non-Christian is to set yourself up for disappointment: there is a certain level of intimacy that you can never enjoy.
We are told that they were naked and not ashamed. This sentence carries a double meaning. Firstly nakedness excites sexual activity. In the marriage this is good and proper. Outside of the marriage it's wrong. Therefore nakedness in the presence of any but our spouse is wrong for it stirs up feelings of lust. Secondly we live in ambivalence. We hate the thought of not being noticed - this is because we made in the image of God. Therefore we believe that we are worthy of notice - and we are!. On the other hand we hate being stared at. When we are stared at we feel as if someone is prying deep within us. We feel as if we are about to be exposed and we therefore want to hide ourselves. Adam and Eve stood naked before God and themselves for they had nothing to hide. Before God we need to cover ourselves. But when we have been forgiven by him we do not. It's the same with our spouse. First date we go to great lengths to present ourselves as good. Then second date we expose a little more of ourselves and tell a few of our failures. And so the process goes on, until in the marriage we think there is nothing that we do not know about each other. And the more open the marriage and the more we allow our partners to see our imperfections the more healthy the marriage. No other relationship can provide the utter openness that a marriage does.
Jesus is our true bride. He will meet all our emotional needs.
The answer to our nakedness is what Jesus has done. He has promised to clothe us and cover us. One day we will stand before God so naked that we will either want the rocks to fall on us or we will be dressed in splendour. (Rev 6:15-17)
CHRISTAIN HOME BUILDING
What is a Christian Home?
Old movies, especially those we see around Christmas time, do a lot to contribute to our opinions of what a Christian home should look like. The same is true for the old sitcoms. If we combine the two, we may be left to think that a Christian home has a father (who is served by his wife and children), a mother (who serves the father and the children), and the children, who serve the father, and sometimes live in fear of being discovered when they did something wrong. Additionally, we may learn that the father will sit down at Christmas and read from a thick book of folktales and all live happily ever after.
While this little glimpse into a Stepford version of Utopia may appear genuine, it is far removed from the truth of life and from the truth of spirituality.
We must therefore come to an understanding of what the Scriptures say about a Christian home, the roles the parents play, and the roles they must avoid.
The Role of the Father
The family has a built-in authority structure: the husband is the uncontested leader of the wife and the parents jointly are the leaders of the children. Many a time the supporting Scripture has been used to justify a man who seeks to be served, and who seeks to keep his wife under “his thumb”. Nothing could be further from the truth! Biblical leadership is a form of serving rather than of tyranny. (1) Just as Christ sought to give the church everything it needed, even at the expense of His own life, so the father must look after his wife’s interests at his own expense.
Following this principle allows the father to set the tone for the household. The building of a strong family life must always be a top priority in a father’s service of God. It is unspiritual for a father to neglect this role, or to delegate it to someone else. In order to achieve this, the father must love God first and foremost, then his wife and then the children. His love for his wife must be underscored by the fact that he commits to the family unit 100% and does not see divorce as an option. His love for his children is underscored by the fact that they are secure in the fact that the world does not revolve around them, but instead, that they fit in neatly within a functioning family.
True spiritual leadership of a family unit requires
• the father to make a choice whether or not he will follow God wholeheartedly and also lead his family in this path, and then follow through with the strength of his conviction. (2)
• the father to pray with his wife and with the children
• the father to provide for his family financially, so they will not fear eviction, homelessness, hunger, or medical neglect (3)
• the father to fulfill the role of mentor to his children, be it on spiritual matters or be it on manners at the dinner table
• the father to deal with each child in fairness, and never, ever, play favorites. (4)
• the father to be compassionate, understanding, and forgiving (5)
• the father to be encouraging and comforting to his children (6)
• the father to apologize quickly and without prompting (7)
What is God's Plan for training a Child?
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Proverbs 22:6
Please note that oftentimes when someone thinks of a religiously influenced parenting plan, they conjure up images of children cowered into submission by beatings, alienated from playmates due to customs and dress code, and unable to stand up to their oppressors. Nothing could be further from the truth! A God-centered parenting plan is proactive, and designed to build up a child’s spiritual self.
The Good
Jesus himself once addressed parenting in His parable of the “Lost Son“. While Jesus does not get into the specifics of the characters’ home life up to the point of the events, we can glean that the father’s two sons were entirely different in their character. On the face of it, the older son was the mature, responsible child, while the younger son appeared to be the “wild child” who couldn’t wait to get out from under his father’s wings. The father’s parenting skills shine forth, when he allows his younger son to leave home, fully knowing that this boy would get himself into trouble; he does not react to the obvious insult of being asked for his money as inheritance while still being very much alive; further, the father’s wisdom is evident when the boy finally does come to his senses: no bridges had been burned, no temporary feelings of being right versus righteous were given way to, and so the road was paved for the younger son to return to his father and make amends, confident that he would be welcomed.
At this point one might feel somewhat hopeless, especially in light of the fact that this story is only a parable Jesus told, and so the characters are probably just made up. Nonetheless, one does not have to be a paragon of wisdom to train a child in a godly way. For example, Timothy was the son of a Greek father and a Jewish mother, who later converted to Christianity.
(1) Thus, he grew up in a home where at least one parent was a non-believer. Timothy was brought up by his grandmother and mother in the Jewish faith, and then later on in the Christian faith.
(2) It became soon apparent that Timothy was destined to work for the gospel
(3), and was later considered a loyal and obedient follower of Paul.
(4)Consider also Jesus Christ, the author and perfector of our faith, as He is called in the Bible. Mary started out as a single mom who married when pregnant. We hear nothing about Joseph‘s parenting; we know later that not even His family thinks of Jesus at one point of his ministry as being the true Messiah.
(5) Nonetheless, He proceeded down the path God gave Him.
Christian Parenting - To Choose
Christian parents face the difficult task of raising children in a world of "correctness." In the past, children grew up in a society that clearly defined what was right and what was wrong. Parents were recognized as the primary authority figure in their children's lives. Now as the world conforms, our children react to the unprecedented immorality, anti-family, and anti-parent concepts in schools and media.
Parents show increasing concern as their children are encouraged to shun strict rules and biblical truths. Whenever the application of God's laws is mentioned, a flurry of organizations warn parents not to impose their own values upon their children. But the Christian parent understands the wickedness of exchanging God's truth for a lie. The Bible speaks of the "insolent, arrogant, and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents. . ." (Romans 1:30). Rebellion and disobedience are just as pervasive today as parental authority disintegrates. Today, parents must choose who and what shapes their children's lives. Without a doubt, God still holds parents responsible for their children - to instruct them and to discipline them.
Christian Parenting - To Instruct
In the Old Testament, Moses reminds the Israelites of their responsibility to their children and grandchildren. "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them" (Deuteronomy 4:9-10). We would all like to believe that our children will make the right choices based on lessons taught. If our child found a dollar bill at the playground, what would he do with it? What sort of "measuring rod" will a child apply as his benchmark for honesty? Perhaps that child will recall how his father returned over-paid change to a cashier.
When we instruct our children, we are not simply presenting a list of rules to follow. We are letting our "actions speak" by training them according to God's standards. By living a righteous life, parents provide their children with the understanding of how God's rules govern all our lives. Then, as our children mature, they develop a habit of doing right, serving God by making their own decisions.
It is the goal of every parent to see their children accept responsibility for their decisions. If our children learn from their mistakes and accept godly correction, then we are on the right course. One father tried to take a short-cut in explaining responsibility by saying, "It's not what you do, but whether or not you get caught. And if you get caught. . .be willing to pay the consequences!" Obviously, there's no fast-track for instructing children. Parental instruction is an arduous journey that begins at birth and continues for many years. And there may be countless times when our children make careless decisions and even choose to reject instruction. These are the times when discipline is most necessary.
Christian Parenting - To Discipline
Theories on "correct" discipline change every few years - the Bible never changes. If children do not obey, they must receive correction. The Bible teaches this should be done by using a rod of correction. "The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother" (Proverbs 29:15). Often parents become weary disciplining young children. At times, a typical day seems to consist of nagging and scolding. Parents wonder if they have ruined every chance for a loving relationship with their children. They may even be tempted to give up altogether. "Only God knows what to do with this child," they groan. YES GOD DOES!!
God chooses each parent with great care. "For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just. . ." (Genesis 18:19). God entrusts your children to your specific care. He wants you to know that kind, firm correction will train your children to obey Him. "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord" (Colossians 3:20). Consistent, loving correction helps children learn biblical truths like self-discipline. God knew Abraham would raise godly children and God blessed him. By applying God's standards, we too can receive God's blessings as parents.
Can Teenagers be parented with Christian Principles?
Applying Christian principles is never too late, unfortunately, if a parent has not laid a solid Christian foundation within the home, the effect of the principles applied later on in life may take some time to bear fruit. Nonetheless, with God all things are possible, and He blesses our every effort. It is never too late for our children.
What the parents of teenagers must remember are their own teenage years, filled with insecurity, aching to fit in, assaulted by bodily changes that went beyond logical explanation, and emotional ups and downs so steep, there left some almost debilitated. During this trying time it is the parent’s responsibility to be the voice of reason, the assurance of love, and the solid part of the family that will love the teen no matter how unlovable s/he may appear at any given time.
Further, parents must come to terms with the fact that their child is growing up. While many decisions must still be made on the child’s behalf, s/he can no longer be treated as if s/he were 10 years young. Parents must learn how to treat their kids with respect like the young adults they were becoming. There are several factors that will assist in the successful Christian parenting of teenagers.
Unconditional Love
Without being solicited to do so, repeatedly and sincerely tell your teens you love them. Cards, gifts, money, etc. are all nice and well, but nothing can replace a sincerely verbalized “I love you” and a big hug to go with it.
As parents, it is vital that our expressions of love are not tied to performance, either personal or academic. Teens worry about not only being popular, but also about their futures. They worry about college, work, or lack thereof. Do not add to the stress by leading your teen to believe that s/he has to earn your love by performing according to your standards. Instead, offer yourself as a safe place where your teen can come and escape from the pressure, the worry, and the temptations of life and adulthood.
Even if you find it hard to believe in your child, do so anyway. Compliment her/him, sincerely and specifically on anything you can think of. Remind them of their positive qualities and achievements. (1)
Additionally, as parents we must fight our own temptations to give in to peer pressure. When young mothers discuss the achievements of their babies, such as talking, walking, climbing, it sometimes appears as though they seek to up one another, with the implication being that an advanced baby is the product of a “good“ mother. This mindset, if cultivated, does not change during life. There will always be the pressure to keep up with the “Joneses” or maybe even do one better than that, by pushing a child to achieve for the sake of achieving, to prepare for entering an ivy league school for the sake of the reputation, and by berating the child for not living up to these parental expectations. Christian parents may very well be anxious about their child’s future, but must learn to cast these anxieties onto God’s shoulders to carry. (2)
Other practical advice, may include:
• Never tell your child they are unlovable
• Do not point out other children who may achieve higher and ask why s/he can’t follow their example
• Focus on your child’s assets, and help her/him to see them also
• Do not dismiss your child’s bad behavior as just being a “phase”, instead build them up when they act the part of the soon to be adult, and stick with the boundaries you defined
Old movies, especially those we see around Christmas time, do a lot to contribute to our opinions of what a Christian home should look like. The same is true for the old sitcoms. If we combine the two, we may be left to think that a Christian home has a father (who is served by his wife and children), a mother (who serves the father and the children), and the children, who serve the father, and sometimes live in fear of being discovered when they did something wrong. Additionally, we may learn that the father will sit down at Christmas and read from a thick book of folktales and all live happily ever after.
While this little glimpse into a Stepford version of Utopia may appear genuine, it is far removed from the truth of life and from the truth of spirituality.
We must therefore come to an understanding of what the Scriptures say about a Christian home, the roles the parents play, and the roles they must avoid.
The Role of the Father
The family has a built-in authority structure: the husband is the uncontested leader of the wife and the parents jointly are the leaders of the children. Many a time the supporting Scripture has been used to justify a man who seeks to be served, and who seeks to keep his wife under “his thumb”. Nothing could be further from the truth! Biblical leadership is a form of serving rather than of tyranny. (1) Just as Christ sought to give the church everything it needed, even at the expense of His own life, so the father must look after his wife’s interests at his own expense.
Following this principle allows the father to set the tone for the household. The building of a strong family life must always be a top priority in a father’s service of God. It is unspiritual for a father to neglect this role, or to delegate it to someone else. In order to achieve this, the father must love God first and foremost, then his wife and then the children. His love for his wife must be underscored by the fact that he commits to the family unit 100% and does not see divorce as an option. His love for his children is underscored by the fact that they are secure in the fact that the world does not revolve around them, but instead, that they fit in neatly within a functioning family.
True spiritual leadership of a family unit requires
• the father to make a choice whether or not he will follow God wholeheartedly and also lead his family in this path, and then follow through with the strength of his conviction. (2)
• the father to pray with his wife and with the children
• the father to provide for his family financially, so they will not fear eviction, homelessness, hunger, or medical neglect (3)
• the father to fulfill the role of mentor to his children, be it on spiritual matters or be it on manners at the dinner table
• the father to deal with each child in fairness, and never, ever, play favorites. (4)
• the father to be compassionate, understanding, and forgiving (5)
• the father to be encouraging and comforting to his children (6)
• the father to apologize quickly and without prompting (7)
What is God's Plan for training a Child?
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Proverbs 22:6
Please note that oftentimes when someone thinks of a religiously influenced parenting plan, they conjure up images of children cowered into submission by beatings, alienated from playmates due to customs and dress code, and unable to stand up to their oppressors. Nothing could be further from the truth! A God-centered parenting plan is proactive, and designed to build up a child’s spiritual self.
The Good
Jesus himself once addressed parenting in His parable of the “Lost Son“. While Jesus does not get into the specifics of the characters’ home life up to the point of the events, we can glean that the father’s two sons were entirely different in their character. On the face of it, the older son was the mature, responsible child, while the younger son appeared to be the “wild child” who couldn’t wait to get out from under his father’s wings. The father’s parenting skills shine forth, when he allows his younger son to leave home, fully knowing that this boy would get himself into trouble; he does not react to the obvious insult of being asked for his money as inheritance while still being very much alive; further, the father’s wisdom is evident when the boy finally does come to his senses: no bridges had been burned, no temporary feelings of being right versus righteous were given way to, and so the road was paved for the younger son to return to his father and make amends, confident that he would be welcomed.
At this point one might feel somewhat hopeless, especially in light of the fact that this story is only a parable Jesus told, and so the characters are probably just made up. Nonetheless, one does not have to be a paragon of wisdom to train a child in a godly way. For example, Timothy was the son of a Greek father and a Jewish mother, who later converted to Christianity.
(1) Thus, he grew up in a home where at least one parent was a non-believer. Timothy was brought up by his grandmother and mother in the Jewish faith, and then later on in the Christian faith.
(2) It became soon apparent that Timothy was destined to work for the gospel
(3), and was later considered a loyal and obedient follower of Paul.
(4)Consider also Jesus Christ, the author and perfector of our faith, as He is called in the Bible. Mary started out as a single mom who married when pregnant. We hear nothing about Joseph‘s parenting; we know later that not even His family thinks of Jesus at one point of his ministry as being the true Messiah.
(5) Nonetheless, He proceeded down the path God gave Him.
Christian Parenting - To Choose
Christian parents face the difficult task of raising children in a world of "correctness." In the past, children grew up in a society that clearly defined what was right and what was wrong. Parents were recognized as the primary authority figure in their children's lives. Now as the world conforms, our children react to the unprecedented immorality, anti-family, and anti-parent concepts in schools and media.
Parents show increasing concern as their children are encouraged to shun strict rules and biblical truths. Whenever the application of God's laws is mentioned, a flurry of organizations warn parents not to impose their own values upon their children. But the Christian parent understands the wickedness of exchanging God's truth for a lie. The Bible speaks of the "insolent, arrogant, and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents. . ." (Romans 1:30). Rebellion and disobedience are just as pervasive today as parental authority disintegrates. Today, parents must choose who and what shapes their children's lives. Without a doubt, God still holds parents responsible for their children - to instruct them and to discipline them.
Christian Parenting - To Instruct
In the Old Testament, Moses reminds the Israelites of their responsibility to their children and grandchildren. "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them" (Deuteronomy 4:9-10). We would all like to believe that our children will make the right choices based on lessons taught. If our child found a dollar bill at the playground, what would he do with it? What sort of "measuring rod" will a child apply as his benchmark for honesty? Perhaps that child will recall how his father returned over-paid change to a cashier.
When we instruct our children, we are not simply presenting a list of rules to follow. We are letting our "actions speak" by training them according to God's standards. By living a righteous life, parents provide their children with the understanding of how God's rules govern all our lives. Then, as our children mature, they develop a habit of doing right, serving God by making their own decisions.
It is the goal of every parent to see their children accept responsibility for their decisions. If our children learn from their mistakes and accept godly correction, then we are on the right course. One father tried to take a short-cut in explaining responsibility by saying, "It's not what you do, but whether or not you get caught. And if you get caught. . .be willing to pay the consequences!" Obviously, there's no fast-track for instructing children. Parental instruction is an arduous journey that begins at birth and continues for many years. And there may be countless times when our children make careless decisions and even choose to reject instruction. These are the times when discipline is most necessary.
Christian Parenting - To Discipline
Theories on "correct" discipline change every few years - the Bible never changes. If children do not obey, they must receive correction. The Bible teaches this should be done by using a rod of correction. "The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother" (Proverbs 29:15). Often parents become weary disciplining young children. At times, a typical day seems to consist of nagging and scolding. Parents wonder if they have ruined every chance for a loving relationship with their children. They may even be tempted to give up altogether. "Only God knows what to do with this child," they groan. YES GOD DOES!!
God chooses each parent with great care. "For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just. . ." (Genesis 18:19). God entrusts your children to your specific care. He wants you to know that kind, firm correction will train your children to obey Him. "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord" (Colossians 3:20). Consistent, loving correction helps children learn biblical truths like self-discipline. God knew Abraham would raise godly children and God blessed him. By applying God's standards, we too can receive God's blessings as parents.
Can Teenagers be parented with Christian Principles?
Applying Christian principles is never too late, unfortunately, if a parent has not laid a solid Christian foundation within the home, the effect of the principles applied later on in life may take some time to bear fruit. Nonetheless, with God all things are possible, and He blesses our every effort. It is never too late for our children.
What the parents of teenagers must remember are their own teenage years, filled with insecurity, aching to fit in, assaulted by bodily changes that went beyond logical explanation, and emotional ups and downs so steep, there left some almost debilitated. During this trying time it is the parent’s responsibility to be the voice of reason, the assurance of love, and the solid part of the family that will love the teen no matter how unlovable s/he may appear at any given time.
Further, parents must come to terms with the fact that their child is growing up. While many decisions must still be made on the child’s behalf, s/he can no longer be treated as if s/he were 10 years young. Parents must learn how to treat their kids with respect like the young adults they were becoming. There are several factors that will assist in the successful Christian parenting of teenagers.
Unconditional Love
Without being solicited to do so, repeatedly and sincerely tell your teens you love them. Cards, gifts, money, etc. are all nice and well, but nothing can replace a sincerely verbalized “I love you” and a big hug to go with it.
As parents, it is vital that our expressions of love are not tied to performance, either personal or academic. Teens worry about not only being popular, but also about their futures. They worry about college, work, or lack thereof. Do not add to the stress by leading your teen to believe that s/he has to earn your love by performing according to your standards. Instead, offer yourself as a safe place where your teen can come and escape from the pressure, the worry, and the temptations of life and adulthood.
Even if you find it hard to believe in your child, do so anyway. Compliment her/him, sincerely and specifically on anything you can think of. Remind them of their positive qualities and achievements. (1)
Additionally, as parents we must fight our own temptations to give in to peer pressure. When young mothers discuss the achievements of their babies, such as talking, walking, climbing, it sometimes appears as though they seek to up one another, with the implication being that an advanced baby is the product of a “good“ mother. This mindset, if cultivated, does not change during life. There will always be the pressure to keep up with the “Joneses” or maybe even do one better than that, by pushing a child to achieve for the sake of achieving, to prepare for entering an ivy league school for the sake of the reputation, and by berating the child for not living up to these parental expectations. Christian parents may very well be anxious about their child’s future, but must learn to cast these anxieties onto God’s shoulders to carry. (2)
Other practical advice, may include:
• Never tell your child they are unlovable
• Do not point out other children who may achieve higher and ask why s/he can’t follow their example
• Focus on your child’s assets, and help her/him to see them also
• Do not dismiss your child’s bad behavior as just being a “phase”, instead build them up when they act the part of the soon to be adult, and stick with the boundaries you defined
CHILD CARE
Child Development Basics
The child development section of our site provides parents with information on and development in children and teenagers. The information on the pages in this section helps parents know what to expect from their children as they mature. Child development information can help parents know when they are expecting too much from a child as well as become aware of lags in development that may benefit from professional help. The pages in this section not only provide information on the activities and achievements usually displayed at a given stage of development but also direct readers to information on how to help children and adolescents reach their full potential as they grow and develop.
Temperament and Your Child's Personality
Personality is determined by the interaction of temperament traits with the environment. Each person (including your child) comes with a factory installed wiring. How your child is wired can determine whether they will be easy or difficult to raise. How well their temperament fits with the environment and how well they are received by the people in the environment will determine how a child sees himself and others.
What is temperament?
Temperament is a set of in-born traits that organize the child's approach to the world. They are instrumental in the development of the child's distinct personality. These traits also determine how the child goes about learning about the world around him.
These traits appear to be relatively stable from birth. They are enduring characteristics that are actually never "good" or "bad." How they are received determines whether they are perceived by the child as being a bad or good thing. When parents understand the temperament of their children, they can avoid blaming themselves for issues that are normal for their child's temperament. Some children are noisier than other. Some are more cuddly than others. Some have more regular sleep patterns that others.
When parents understand how their child responds to certain situations, they an learn to anticipate issues that might present difficulties for their child. They can prepare the child for the situation or in other cases they may avoid a potentially difficult situation all together.
Parents can tailor their parenting strategies to the particular temperamental characteristics of the child. They can also avoid thinking that a behavior that reflects a temperament trait represents a pathological condition that requires treatment.
Parents feel more effective as they more fully understand and appreciate their child's unique personality.
When the demands and expectations of people and the environment are compatible with the child's temperament there is said to be a "goodness-of-fit." When incompatibility exists, you have what is known as a "personality conflict." Early on parents can work with the child's temperamental traits rather than in opposition to them. Later as the child matures the parents can help the child to adapt to their world by accommodating to their temperamental traits.
"Play Is The Work of the Child"
Maria Montessori
Play activities are essential to healthy development for children and adolescents. Research shows that 75% of brain development occurs after birth. The activities engaged in by children both stimulate and influence the pattern of the connections made between the nerve cells. This process influences the development of fine and gross motor skills, language, socialization, personal awareness, emotional well-being, creativity, problem solving and learning ability.
The most important role that play can have is to help children to be active, make choices and practice actions to mastery. They should have experience with a wide variety of content (art, music, language, science, math, social relations) because each is important for the development of a complex and integrated brain. Play that links sensori-motor, cognitive, and social-emotional experiences provides an ideal setting from brain development.
According to Montessori, the essential dimensions of play are:
• Voluntary, enjoyable, purposeful and spontaneous
• Creativity expanded using problem solving skills, social skills, language skills and physical skills
• Helps expand on new ideas
• Helps the child to adapt socially
• Helps to thwart emotional problems
If play is the work of the child, toys are the tools. Through toys, children learn about their world, themselves, and others. Toys teach children to:
• Figure out how things work
• Pick up new ideas
• Build muscle control and strength
• Use their imagination
• Solve problems
• Learn to cooperate with others
Play content should come from the child’s own imagination and experiences.
Unfortunately, the play experience for today’s child is often quite different from that of their parents.
With the ever expanding influence of electronic media including TV, videos, video games and the internet, child are spending much of their time being passively entertained by or minimally interacting by way of a keyboard or control pad with an electronic device.
Even today’s toys are more often structured by onboard computers that dictate the play experience.
This robs children of unstructured play with other kids as well as individual playtime spent in creative play. Parents need to understand the play needs of their child and provide an environment to meet those needs.
Science News
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Study Links Early Friendships With High-quality Sibling Relationships
ScienceDaily (Jan. 26, 2006) — Children who experience a rewarding friendship before the birth of a sibling are likely to have a better relationship with that brother or sister that endures throughout their childhood, said Laurie Kramer in a University of Illinois study published in December's Journal of Family Psychology.
"There's something about early friendships -- when they work well, they help children learn how to behave constructively in relationships," said Kramer, co-editor with Lew Bank on a special issue of the journal, "Sibling Relationship Contributions to Individual and Family Well-being."
"When early friendships are successful, young children get the chance to master sophisticated social and emotional skills, even more than they do with a parent. When parents relate to a child, they do a lot of the work, figuring out how what the child needs and then accommodating those needs. With another child, that doesn't usually happen," said Kramer, a U. of I. professor of applied family studies.
The research showed the benefits of early friends are long-lasting. Children who had a positive relationship with a best friend before the birth of a sibling ultimately had a good relationship with their sibling that lasted throughout adolescence, Kramer said.
And children who as preschoolers were able to coordinate play with a friend, manage conflicts, and keep an interaction positive in tone were most likely as teenagers to avoid the negative sibling interaction that can sometimes launch children on a path of antisocial behaviors, she added.
Early friendships also predicted future competence in other sorts of relationships and in certain forms of personal well-being -- for example, fewer behavior problems or less depression or anxiety later in life, Kramer said.
"Even in early childhood, close friendships have been shown to provide unique benefits for children encountering stress," she said.
The 13-year study followed 28 pairs of siblings, beginning when the oldest child was between three and five years old and the parents were expecting the second child. Researchers assessed the quality of the firstborn's relationship with his mother during the last trimester of the mother's pregnancy as well as the quality of the child's relationship with a best friend.
And, although the mother-child bond was important for the future sibling relationship, the child's relationship with a best friend was a stronger predictor of future sibling harmony, she said.
After the younger child was born, researchers visited the family frequently and videotaped the siblings, coding them for conflictual, competitive, cooperative, and prosocial behaviors, with the last observation occurring when the elder siblings were 17 years old and the younger siblings were 13.
There was a very strong link between children who had positive interactions with a friend before the sibling's birth and a later positive relationship with the sibling, Kramer said. "This study shows that it's very important to help children develop good friends, particularly in the preschool years."
"From birth, parents can nurture and help develop these social competencies by making eye contact with their babies, offering toys and playing with them, and encouraging them to interact with other children as soon as they are developmentally able to do so," she said.
Preschools, child-care centers and providers, and schools should also learn more about children's socioemotional development so they can provide educational experiences that will help children learn to get along with each other better, she said.
"The trickiest part is helping kids manage some of the negative emotions they experience," Kramer said. "Children can learn a lot about handling frustration as a part of the sibling relationship. Brothers and sisters can be awfully frustrating."
And firstborn children who have had a good friend are a step ahead of the game, Kramer said. "For children, just knowing that someone likes them is validating. That confidence, and the experience they've gained from participating in a friendship, can really pay off later in life in terms of beneficial relationships with brothers and sisters, friends, and other personal relationships."
The child development section of our site provides parents with information on and development in children and teenagers. The information on the pages in this section helps parents know what to expect from their children as they mature. Child development information can help parents know when they are expecting too much from a child as well as become aware of lags in development that may benefit from professional help. The pages in this section not only provide information on the activities and achievements usually displayed at a given stage of development but also direct readers to information on how to help children and adolescents reach their full potential as they grow and develop.
Temperament and Your Child's Personality
Personality is determined by the interaction of temperament traits with the environment. Each person (including your child) comes with a factory installed wiring. How your child is wired can determine whether they will be easy or difficult to raise. How well their temperament fits with the environment and how well they are received by the people in the environment will determine how a child sees himself and others.
What is temperament?
Temperament is a set of in-born traits that organize the child's approach to the world. They are instrumental in the development of the child's distinct personality. These traits also determine how the child goes about learning about the world around him.
These traits appear to be relatively stable from birth. They are enduring characteristics that are actually never "good" or "bad." How they are received determines whether they are perceived by the child as being a bad or good thing. When parents understand the temperament of their children, they can avoid blaming themselves for issues that are normal for their child's temperament. Some children are noisier than other. Some are more cuddly than others. Some have more regular sleep patterns that others.
When parents understand how their child responds to certain situations, they an learn to anticipate issues that might present difficulties for their child. They can prepare the child for the situation or in other cases they may avoid a potentially difficult situation all together.
Parents can tailor their parenting strategies to the particular temperamental characteristics of the child. They can also avoid thinking that a behavior that reflects a temperament trait represents a pathological condition that requires treatment.
Parents feel more effective as they more fully understand and appreciate their child's unique personality.
When the demands and expectations of people and the environment are compatible with the child's temperament there is said to be a "goodness-of-fit." When incompatibility exists, you have what is known as a "personality conflict." Early on parents can work with the child's temperamental traits rather than in opposition to them. Later as the child matures the parents can help the child to adapt to their world by accommodating to their temperamental traits.
"Play Is The Work of the Child"
Maria Montessori
Play activities are essential to healthy development for children and adolescents. Research shows that 75% of brain development occurs after birth. The activities engaged in by children both stimulate and influence the pattern of the connections made between the nerve cells. This process influences the development of fine and gross motor skills, language, socialization, personal awareness, emotional well-being, creativity, problem solving and learning ability.
The most important role that play can have is to help children to be active, make choices and practice actions to mastery. They should have experience with a wide variety of content (art, music, language, science, math, social relations) because each is important for the development of a complex and integrated brain. Play that links sensori-motor, cognitive, and social-emotional experiences provides an ideal setting from brain development.
According to Montessori, the essential dimensions of play are:
• Voluntary, enjoyable, purposeful and spontaneous
• Creativity expanded using problem solving skills, social skills, language skills and physical skills
• Helps expand on new ideas
• Helps the child to adapt socially
• Helps to thwart emotional problems
If play is the work of the child, toys are the tools. Through toys, children learn about their world, themselves, and others. Toys teach children to:
• Figure out how things work
• Pick up new ideas
• Build muscle control and strength
• Use their imagination
• Solve problems
• Learn to cooperate with others
Play content should come from the child’s own imagination and experiences.
Unfortunately, the play experience for today’s child is often quite different from that of their parents.
With the ever expanding influence of electronic media including TV, videos, video games and the internet, child are spending much of their time being passively entertained by or minimally interacting by way of a keyboard or control pad with an electronic device.
Even today’s toys are more often structured by onboard computers that dictate the play experience.
This robs children of unstructured play with other kids as well as individual playtime spent in creative play. Parents need to understand the play needs of their child and provide an environment to meet those needs.
Science News
Share Blog Cite
Print Email Bookmark
Study Links Early Friendships With High-quality Sibling Relationships
ScienceDaily (Jan. 26, 2006) — Children who experience a rewarding friendship before the birth of a sibling are likely to have a better relationship with that brother or sister that endures throughout their childhood, said Laurie Kramer in a University of Illinois study published in December's Journal of Family Psychology.
"There's something about early friendships -- when they work well, they help children learn how to behave constructively in relationships," said Kramer, co-editor with Lew Bank on a special issue of the journal, "Sibling Relationship Contributions to Individual and Family Well-being."
"When early friendships are successful, young children get the chance to master sophisticated social and emotional skills, even more than they do with a parent. When parents relate to a child, they do a lot of the work, figuring out how what the child needs and then accommodating those needs. With another child, that doesn't usually happen," said Kramer, a U. of I. professor of applied family studies.
The research showed the benefits of early friends are long-lasting. Children who had a positive relationship with a best friend before the birth of a sibling ultimately had a good relationship with their sibling that lasted throughout adolescence, Kramer said.
And children who as preschoolers were able to coordinate play with a friend, manage conflicts, and keep an interaction positive in tone were most likely as teenagers to avoid the negative sibling interaction that can sometimes launch children on a path of antisocial behaviors, she added.
Early friendships also predicted future competence in other sorts of relationships and in certain forms of personal well-being -- for example, fewer behavior problems or less depression or anxiety later in life, Kramer said.
"Even in early childhood, close friendships have been shown to provide unique benefits for children encountering stress," she said.
The 13-year study followed 28 pairs of siblings, beginning when the oldest child was between three and five years old and the parents were expecting the second child. Researchers assessed the quality of the firstborn's relationship with his mother during the last trimester of the mother's pregnancy as well as the quality of the child's relationship with a best friend.
And, although the mother-child bond was important for the future sibling relationship, the child's relationship with a best friend was a stronger predictor of future sibling harmony, she said.
After the younger child was born, researchers visited the family frequently and videotaped the siblings, coding them for conflictual, competitive, cooperative, and prosocial behaviors, with the last observation occurring when the elder siblings were 17 years old and the younger siblings were 13.
There was a very strong link between children who had positive interactions with a friend before the sibling's birth and a later positive relationship with the sibling, Kramer said. "This study shows that it's very important to help children develop good friends, particularly in the preschool years."
"From birth, parents can nurture and help develop these social competencies by making eye contact with their babies, offering toys and playing with them, and encouraging them to interact with other children as soon as they are developmentally able to do so," she said.
Preschools, child-care centers and providers, and schools should also learn more about children's socioemotional development so they can provide educational experiences that will help children learn to get along with each other better, she said.
"The trickiest part is helping kids manage some of the negative emotions they experience," Kramer said. "Children can learn a lot about handling frustration as a part of the sibling relationship. Brothers and sisters can be awfully frustrating."
And firstborn children who have had a good friend are a step ahead of the game, Kramer said. "For children, just knowing that someone likes them is validating. That confidence, and the experience they've gained from participating in a friendship, can really pay off later in life in terms of beneficial relationships with brothers and sisters, friends, and other personal relationships."
Building a Strong Family
Building a Strong Family
31106, Family Home Evening Resource Book, Building a Strong Family, Building a Strong Family, 235
"We continue to stress the urgent need for couples, for parents and children, and for single adults living alone to study and live the principles of truth, with special attention to nurturing love and harmony within their family circles"
(Spencer W. Kimball, "Therefore I Was Taught," Ensign, Jan. 1982, p. 3).
Introduction
As we strive to improve ourselves and our families, we need to remember that the Lord wants us to have joy and happiness in our lives. One of Satan's most effective tools is discouragement.
Sometimes in our efforts to improve we forget that change and growth take time. We should not expect overnight perfection from either ourselves or other family members. Enjoying our families is one of the joys we should accept.
The Prophet Joseph Smith said, "Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God. But we cannot keep all the commandments without first knowing them, and we cannot expect to know all, or more than we now know unless we comply with or keep those we have already received." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1976], pp. 15556.)
This section of the manual has been prepared to help us better apply those principles that we teach and learn during home evenings. It was written generally to parents with children; but whether we are single or married, parents or not, living alone or with family or friends, we can adapt material from this section to meet the challenges of our own circumstances.
As you study the suggestions, select one idea or area to work on at a time. Don't expect instant perfection or try to improve in more areas at the same time. Smile and be happy. Tell your spouse and children that you love them, and hug and kiss them regularly. Each of us needs the blessings that come from giving and receiving love.
Although creating love and harmony within our families is not always easy, it is vital, especially today when we and our children must withstand the growing evil influences around us.
Everyone faces challenges and choices. We and our children have many voices calling us away from gospel principles and the counsel of the Brethren. But when we make our homes places of safety for us and our children, we can more easily grow and develop in righteousness.
Turning a home into a righteous haven and making our family relationships ideal takes more than merely being active in the Church and participating in its programs, important as these are. It takes a strong, honest commitment to live gospel principles and to teach these principles in our homes.
Many parents feel inadequate as they face the challenges of marriage and parenthood. Many worry about the temptations of the world that daily confront them and their children. Some worry that they may already have "lost" their children.
Fortunately, we do not need to face our problems alone; Heavenly Father wants us to succeed as individuals and as parents and families. To help us, he has provided important guides, such as the scriptures, a living prophet, other Church leaders, and the Holy Spirit. These can help us understand and apply the gospel principles that will bring joy to us and our families.
This section of the Family Resource Book highlights three fundamental gospel principles: integrity, agency, and love. As you read and ponder this section, you will read about husbands and wives, parents, children, and single adults who face much the same everyday challenges you do. The principles needed to help them solve their problems are the same that will help you.
Helping Family Members Live the Gospel
31106, Family Home Evening Resource Book, Building a Strong Family, Helping Family Members Live the Gospel, 236
Sometimes we think that some five-second formula or recipe will effectively change a family member's behavior. Long-term change, however, comes only from living correct principles. The Lord told priesthood bearers how the power and influence of the priesthood should be used (see D&C 121:4146). We can use some of the things he mentioned, such as persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned to teach and guide our children and others. In contrast, using sarcasm, intimidation, force, impatience, irritability or anger, harshness, and pride will neither teach children proper values nor help them change their behavior. In fact, we know that it is Satan, not Heavenly Father, who wants us to use force and hostility.
We can learn to be better parents by studying the scriptures to see how Heavenly Father deals with his children. We can also learn how not to act by observing Satan's methods. What can you learn from the following chart to help you be a better parent and spouse?
The Lord's Way Satan's Way
Love unfeigned—charity, caring for others' welfare despite any wrongdoing. Physical force—being hostile and unfairly using physical strength.
Acceptance—seeing others in eternal perspective, judging with compassion. Blame—condemning others' faults without compassion.
Integrity—being honest, a personal commitment to righteousness. Accusation—provoking guilt, reminding people of their mistakes to punish them and justify oneself.
Persuasion—teaching with compassion, kindly pointing out advantages and disadvantages of situations. Intimidation—ruling by fear because others are afraid of one's power.
Gentleness—soft, not treating others harshly. Threat—expressing an intent to physically or emotionally harm someone.
Trust—lovingly allowing others to exercise their agency to choose right or wrong and to accept the consequences. Pride—self-righteously preaching moral truths and condemning others.
Responsibility—acknowledging and assuming your role in any situation including repenting for past wrongdoing. Self-centeredness—refusing to accept responsibility for your actions.
Meekness—humility, uncomplaining, and teachable Haughtiness—being unteachable, proud, and pessimistic.
31106, Family Home Evening Resource Book, Building a Strong Family, Building a Strong Family, 235
"We continue to stress the urgent need for couples, for parents and children, and for single adults living alone to study and live the principles of truth, with special attention to nurturing love and harmony within their family circles"
(Spencer W. Kimball, "Therefore I Was Taught," Ensign, Jan. 1982, p. 3).
Introduction
As we strive to improve ourselves and our families, we need to remember that the Lord wants us to have joy and happiness in our lives. One of Satan's most effective tools is discouragement.
Sometimes in our efforts to improve we forget that change and growth take time. We should not expect overnight perfection from either ourselves or other family members. Enjoying our families is one of the joys we should accept.
The Prophet Joseph Smith said, "Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God. But we cannot keep all the commandments without first knowing them, and we cannot expect to know all, or more than we now know unless we comply with or keep those we have already received." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1976], pp. 15556.)
This section of the manual has been prepared to help us better apply those principles that we teach and learn during home evenings. It was written generally to parents with children; but whether we are single or married, parents or not, living alone or with family or friends, we can adapt material from this section to meet the challenges of our own circumstances.
As you study the suggestions, select one idea or area to work on at a time. Don't expect instant perfection or try to improve in more areas at the same time. Smile and be happy. Tell your spouse and children that you love them, and hug and kiss them regularly. Each of us needs the blessings that come from giving and receiving love.
Although creating love and harmony within our families is not always easy, it is vital, especially today when we and our children must withstand the growing evil influences around us.
Everyone faces challenges and choices. We and our children have many voices calling us away from gospel principles and the counsel of the Brethren. But when we make our homes places of safety for us and our children, we can more easily grow and develop in righteousness.
Turning a home into a righteous haven and making our family relationships ideal takes more than merely being active in the Church and participating in its programs, important as these are. It takes a strong, honest commitment to live gospel principles and to teach these principles in our homes.
Many parents feel inadequate as they face the challenges of marriage and parenthood. Many worry about the temptations of the world that daily confront them and their children. Some worry that they may already have "lost" their children.
Fortunately, we do not need to face our problems alone; Heavenly Father wants us to succeed as individuals and as parents and families. To help us, he has provided important guides, such as the scriptures, a living prophet, other Church leaders, and the Holy Spirit. These can help us understand and apply the gospel principles that will bring joy to us and our families.
This section of the Family Resource Book highlights three fundamental gospel principles: integrity, agency, and love. As you read and ponder this section, you will read about husbands and wives, parents, children, and single adults who face much the same everyday challenges you do. The principles needed to help them solve their problems are the same that will help you.
Helping Family Members Live the Gospel
31106, Family Home Evening Resource Book, Building a Strong Family, Helping Family Members Live the Gospel, 236
Sometimes we think that some five-second formula or recipe will effectively change a family member's behavior. Long-term change, however, comes only from living correct principles. The Lord told priesthood bearers how the power and influence of the priesthood should be used (see D&C 121:4146). We can use some of the things he mentioned, such as persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned to teach and guide our children and others. In contrast, using sarcasm, intimidation, force, impatience, irritability or anger, harshness, and pride will neither teach children proper values nor help them change their behavior. In fact, we know that it is Satan, not Heavenly Father, who wants us to use force and hostility.
We can learn to be better parents by studying the scriptures to see how Heavenly Father deals with his children. We can also learn how not to act by observing Satan's methods. What can you learn from the following chart to help you be a better parent and spouse?
The Lord's Way Satan's Way
Love unfeigned—charity, caring for others' welfare despite any wrongdoing. Physical force—being hostile and unfairly using physical strength.
Acceptance—seeing others in eternal perspective, judging with compassion. Blame—condemning others' faults without compassion.
Integrity—being honest, a personal commitment to righteousness. Accusation—provoking guilt, reminding people of their mistakes to punish them and justify oneself.
Persuasion—teaching with compassion, kindly pointing out advantages and disadvantages of situations. Intimidation—ruling by fear because others are afraid of one's power.
Gentleness—soft, not treating others harshly. Threat—expressing an intent to physically or emotionally harm someone.
Trust—lovingly allowing others to exercise their agency to choose right or wrong and to accept the consequences. Pride—self-righteously preaching moral truths and condemning others.
Responsibility—acknowledging and assuming your role in any situation including repenting for past wrongdoing. Self-centeredness—refusing to accept responsibility for your actions.
Meekness—humility, uncomplaining, and teachable Haughtiness—being unteachable, proud, and pessimistic.
SEX
What's wrong with sex before marriage?
If I go into a grocery store and want to choose a good apple I can pick it up and I can look at it but I can't take a bite out of it to see if they taste good, then put it back. Having sex before marriage is taking a bite out of the apple before committing to it (buying it). Often it means leaving it for the next person. When I have sex with someone before marriage, I am likely having sex with someone else's future wife.
Ugly statistics - how's it working
Girls in high school graduate having had an average of six sex partners. The National Post reports the 25% of girls 15-25 years old have venereal warts. The virus is permanent. Transmission is not prevented by condoms, and even after treatment it lays dormant in the system for life and is often a pre-cursor to ovarian cancer. The daughter of a friend of mine ended up with ovarian cancer and it is questionable whether she will ever be able to have children. There are also over 60 other STD's (STI's) many of which are more serious than that. Forty years ago there were only a few STD's Oh Lord help this generation to see through the Madison Avenue lies about sex that we read about in the glamour magazines.
The radio program "Point of View" on WFCJ radio Dayton Ohio reported Dec 10, 2004 that teenager girls who have sex are 2x more likely to commit suicide than girls who practice abstinence and teenage boys who have sex are 7x more likely to commit suicide than boys who are sexually abstinent.
Why don't condoms reduce Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD's)?
The "condom sense" strategy that is being taught to high school students ignores a basic precept of human behaviour (especially men's). Getting people to think about condoms in the middle of sexual arousal is counter intuitive and quite frankly unsuccessful. Yet condoms provide a false sense of security because the couple will say "hey, we can pursue this because we have protection." The truth is that men just don't like using condoms and when both partners are aroused, the lust takes on a life of its own, and their intentions to use condoms are often thrown by the wayside. Even if they do have "safer-sex," once they feed the lust, there is a much greater chance that they will practice unsafe sex at some point.
Chastity is a better strategy, because it does not feed the lust the way that contraception does. The HPV virus passes right through condoms. Condoms often break and are often used "improperly".
Although condom packages say they are 95% effective at stopping pregnancy. their studies are conducted in labs. I don't know very many people who have sex in labs. Real world studies of condom use and their success show us that a couple who have regular sex using condoms stand a 16% chance of pregnancy in any given year. If I got on a plane and they said, "Fasten seatbelts, by the way this plane has an 84% chance of reaching its destination." I would get the heck off the plane!
We live in a culture where condoms can be handed out in schools and bibles can't. That says a lot about how far "progressive" we have become.
Condoms are a "band-aid" solution that compound the current problems and don't address the real problem, our behaviour. This "condom sense" strategy is based flase premis. It is the idea that the solution widespread sex is still more sex (using condoms) rather than taking a long sober look at what our society has become. Fr. Bob Bedard says "I would get laughed out of most high school classrooms if I simply stated that the answer to STI's is chastity, not condoms." Condoms are based on lust, chastity is based on love. I know because before I found the Lord I was very sexually active, and condoms broke while I was having sex.
The Pill is Unhealthy
If a 15 year old boy goes into a doctor's office saying "I want to get the girls, I need muscles. Can you prescribe steroids" The doctor would say "that's not good for you, go to the gym instead." But if a 15 year old girl goes to a doctor and says. "I want to get the guys, can you give me the pill (steroids)" The doctor says "fine." If you ask me, this is part of society's systematic abuse of women. In the clinical trials for the pill they tried to make a pill for men and women. One man got slightly shrunken testicles and they completely abandoned all further tests with men. In the experiments for the pill, 3 women died and all they did was adjusted the dosage. To me this is abuse of women. Women still die from the pill. Sure it is a tiny percent but with 16 million women on the pill (in the US) even low deaths rates amount to an incredible injustice against women.
In the first year of use, 50% of women stop the pill because of side affects. The pill creates depression, lowers libido, makes women more irritable, and creates weight gain. The reason is that it makes the woman's body think it is in its first few weeks of pregnancy. And women in their first weeks of pregnancy have depression, lower libido, are more irritable, and gain weight. In a pregnancy these side effects go away. On the pill, these side effects go on indefinitely.
The pill may be an aborfacient. Pill manufacturers themselves say it works in 3 ways, (1) it stops ovulation, (2)the pill changes viscosity of mucus to inhibit travel, if there is a breakthrough ovulation, (3) Many health care professionals believe that the pill reduces endometrial receptivity, and therefore will reduce the chances of attachment of the fertilized egg (the little 1 day old baby) to the uterus wall. Source: Randy Alcorn found a paper entitled The effect of oral contraceptive pills on markers of endometrial receptivity (Somkuti, et al., Fertility and Sterility Vol. 65, No.3, pp. 484-488, 1996). referenced from http://www.aaplog.org/collition.htm
The pill is the result of an anti-life attitude. Many abortions occurs because of failed contraception by people who were not open to life, before they jumped into bed. Before I became Christian and cleaned up my life I had a girlfriend who was a medical doctor. She was on the pill and knew how to use the pill. She got pregnant while using the pill properly. In our secular mindset, abortion looked like the logical solution. It was the worst mistake I've ever made in my life. My abortion story is here.
What the heck is "fornication"?
I have a friend who started having sex with his girlfriend. He was interested in Christianity. He was going to a United Church and started a Bible study. He was over to my place and I asked how he reconciled his interest in Christianity with his sex life. He said there's nowhere in the Bible where it says not to have sex before marriage. He said he searched for it and couldn't find it. Then it struck me that he didn't know the meaning of "fornication." I pulled out a dictionary:
Fornication: Voluntary sexual intercourse other than between a married couple, especially where either person or both persons are unmarried. (Gage Dictionary)
His face dropped as I took him through verse after verse. (Mt: 15:19, Mk 7:21, Acts 15:20, 29, 21:25, 1 Cor 6:13, 18, Gal 5:19, Eph 5:3, Col 3:5, 1 Thes 4:3, Rev 2:14, 20-21, 9:21 etc...) It seems the Bible has a lot to say on this topic. It puts "sex before marriage" (fornication) right up there with the worst of sins of humanity such as murder, theft etc... Ouch!!!!
The body is meant not for fornication but for the Lord, and the Lord for the Body, and God raised the Lord and will also raise us by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? (1 Co 6:13)
"Fornication" sounds like such a stale archaic word that our generation doesn't even know what it means. It sounds outdated. But this is the genius of mass marketing. Sex sells... sex sells cloths, it sells movies, it sells magazines, it sells everything. Our present attitude towards sex is the result of mass marketing. Our generation believes they are thinking for themselves when having sex before marriage. But they are the product of mass media.
Sex is fun and free, Jesus was into fun and freedom, so why are you Catholics so uptight?
Now I can hear someone out there saying "c'mon, sex is fun, God wants us to have fun...sexual freedom is great."
What the great dispute about is over the meaning of "freedom," Is freedom simply to do whatever you want to do? Or is real freedom the freedom to do what you ought to do? Now the herd of independent thinkers in the dominant western culture believes the first. It's simply being shackled to one's own passions and desires and impulses. (Fr. John Neuhaus explains, Oct. 12, 2003, CNS news Sun Morning)
Jesus was not hung up on social conventions. He freely ignored stupid social conventions such as being forbidden to hang out with the Samaritans. But when it came to sex he was very serious. Why were Jesus and the apostles so uptight about sex when they were so radical about breaking down other social barriers? I think it is because they knew something that modern culture has forgotten.
Sex is powerful
People are born from sex, people die from sex (STD's). If I get a powerful gift for Christmas, say a car, there are rules that keep me safe. I think it is the same with sexuality.
For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters, only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for self-indulgence ... (Gal 5:1, 13-18)
Today, society considers the Catholic Church's views on sex "regressive, old fashioned and medieval". But "modern society" is more "regressive" than the Church. It is following Caligula in ancient Rome.
Perhaps the Church is Medieval, but if that is so,
then modern society is Primal!
The #1 dance song hit a couple of years ago was:
You and me baby, we ain't nothing but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the discovery channel
Never before in history has mankind been so sex centred. Internet porn (the "crack cocaine" of sex addiction), late night TV, and even sex on prime time TV are just a few ways that society pushes pornography right into our homes. Viagra is a top selling drug. Men can't keep up with the amount of sex they think they should have. My email inbox is full of the same kind of male enhancement spam as everyone else. In 2001, the National Post reported that 25% of girls in the age bracket 15-25 have venereal warts (which freely pass through condoms). Statistics Canada reports 100,000 abortions a year. In the gay community the stats are just as dramatic with their own set of devastating consequences. Recent laws and policies aimed at reducing those statistics by granting more sexual freedom have not diminished those statistics, in fact there has been an increase in suicide, STD's, alcoholism, and partner abuse.
Yet even with these devastating facts, modern culture thinks everybody has to have sex. People who don't have sex are viewed with pity or contempt. We wonder what is wrong with them. Psychiatrists have a field day with people who feel called to celibacy. Teenagers who want to wait until marriage are ridiculed by their peers. I don't believe the answer to our problems is more freedom using contraception and "safer sex" with condoms. I believe the solution is a personal relationship with Jesus and his call to chastity.
Sex creates an eternal bond, and needs to be a lifetime partnership
Sex creates an unbreakable bond for eternity with the sex partner. (1 Cor 6:16) That's why it needs to happen only within the eternal bond of marriage. One reason so few people are capable of intimacy today is because that spiritual centre of union with another person has been scattered in bits and pieces all over their previous partner's lives. They have been hurt and with each hurt they close down a little more. Honestly, that is exactly what happened to me until I eventually was incapable of commitment.
Sex before marriage means broken hearts and broken bonds. Broken hearts don't trust others as much. People with broken hearts don't trust themselves as much. People think they should take a partner out for a "test drive" before getting married. But this hasn't made it easier to learn if the person is compatible because couples having sex often overlook important differences cause the sex is good. People who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate.
I'm having sex with someone's future spouse
If we have sex with someone before marriage and then break up with them, we have had sex with someone's future spouse. The scary thing is that doesn't consciously bother many people today. Unfortunately, the net result is that marriage is much more fragile. Most couples who have had premarital sex with others don't stick together. The bonding and commitment necessary to maintain and sustain a marriage during the hard times just aren't there. Pre marital sex makes for "fair weather" marriages.
Catholic definitions:
• Chastity: No sex outside of marriage, sex is perfectly acceptable in the context of a marriage blessed by the Church.
• Marriage: An unbreakable lifelong union between one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others.
• Celibacy: Abstinence from sex, and usually implies remaining single.
The Catholic Church has always asserted that chastity, or alternatively celibacy, are the correct expressions of our sexual natures. This is supported by the Bible. It applies to everyone, including straights, gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered, two-spirited people (GLBT)etc. I know that would get me laughed out of a university class on human behavior and unfortunately out of many psychiatrist's offices.
Yeah but I'm not promiscuous, I only have one partner. What's wrong with that?
Couples who stick together after pre marital sex and end up marrying are much more likely to divorce. Sad but true. Any short look at our society will back it up. It is stepping across a huge line in the "spiritual" sand. I recently listened to a French children's "call-in" program on CBC radio in Canada that interviewed children whose parents had broken up. The show is normally fun and light but this particular program made me want to cry. The children were devastated.
Bill Gates turns African women into human Guinea Pigs on clinical trials
Here is part of an article in the Ottawa Citizen:
Tool in fight against AIDS found to boost disease risk
Promising vaginal gel had been in trials in South Africa
High hopes for a product developed by a Toronto-based company to stem the spread of AIDS in Africa have been dashed after clinical tests showed users were more likely to become infected with the deadly disease. (Katie Lewis, The Ottawa Citizen, Thursday, February 08, 2007)
The Bill Gates Foundation failed at its anti AIDS vaginal gel. One of the most intelligent men in the world and the richest human on the planet ate humble pie. After an investment of more than 40 million dollars Bill and Melinda Gates' solution to AIDS in africa has turned out to actually increase the incidence of AIDS. Test trials on 3,000 high risk women (prostitutes etc) using the anti-AIDS vaginal gel completely failed and tons of them got AIDS. In fact, the vaginal gel actually increased the incidence of AIDS among these women. The directors of the tests called the women “heros.” I couldn’t help but think what he actually thought they were human laboratory mice. He said this was empowering to women, while he caused them to be infected with AIDS. These African women became failed guinea pigs for clinical testing that he could not get away with on North American women. All in the name of humanity eh?
The press says we Catholics are “old fashioned” and “dangerous” to think that the idea chastity and faith is the answer for Africa. I’m still waiting for them to come up with a better idea. Bombing them with condoms has been a complete failure. We would rather bomb them with condoms than to look at our western immorality.
A word of warning by Dr. Lawrence white
We live in a society where passions are riderless horses, uncontrolled and uncontrollable, in which there is a desolation of decency, in which love has become a jungle emotion, lust exalted to lordship, sin elevated to sovereignty, Satan adored as a saint, and man magnified above his Maker. Americans have come to dwell in an Alice in Wonderland world of fantasy, of self-delusion. Everything has been turned upside down and inside out in our America. Right is wrong, and wrong is right. Good is bad and bad is good. Normal is abnormal, and abnormal is normal, true is false and false is true. We are fast degenerating into a decadent culture obsessed with selfishness and sin, death and destruction. Address at Midwestern Seminary, Kansas City. September 6, 2000
Sex and society since the acceptance of birth control
Contraception launched a lifestyle of sex outside of marriage. Today 67% of youth are sexually active before marriage. Teenagers are about as good at contraception as they are at making their beds, doing their homework and doing their chores. In 1966, 6% white babies were born pout of wedlock, now its up to 25%. In 1967, 22% of black babies were born out of wedlock, now 66% of black babies are born out of wed lock. There is much talk about women's rights but what about children's rights? This is not good for children. Most Psychologists are agreed that children with both parents stand a better chance of growing up well adjusted.
Sex before marriage means many more broken hearts and broken bonds. Broken hearts don't trust as much. Don't trust themselves as much. People think they should take a partner out for a "test drive" before getting married. But this hasn't made it easier to learn if the person is compatible, because couples having sex often overlook important differences cause the sex is good. People who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate. Abortion is huge today.
The Catholic Church predicted the future of a contraception Society.
In the 1968 document "Humane Vitae," everybody felt like a bomb hit society. The Catholic Church was reaffirming its stance on contraception. In Section 6, Pope Paul VI makes several predictions. He said we would see:
1. Lowering of morality, (check out today's afternoon soaps, talk shows, MTV)
2. Disregard for physical and emotional well being of women by men. (internet porn)
3. Government would use family planning for coercive purposes. (UN population control)
4. Women would begin to treat their bodies as if they are machines. (Surrogate mothers, invitro fertilizations.)
Contraception paved the way to the "free sex" movement of the 1960's. In 70 years since contraception was accepted, we in modern society have become increasingly sex centred. Before I became Christian in 1987, I was as bad as anyone else - a Tom Cat. I was a musician on the road. I was involved with two abortions and had a string of broken relationships and infidelity. I'm not here to judge. Thank God for the freedom and forgiveness I've received in Jesus.
If you're married or thinking about getting married, at some point or another you've wondered what better sex in marriage would be like or how sex in marriage could be improved.
Keeping the sexual spark alive in a marriage or in a long-term relationship is easier said than done. However, couples who take time to cultivate and maintain healthy and satisfying sexual relations tend to be more connected with each other and do not suffer from depression, heart problems and other health maladies, experts say.
The daily routines of life — whether careers, children or financial responsibilities — challenge couples to keep alive that flame that initially brought them together. From a practical standpoint, there's less time for sex and intimacy as relationships develop and individual partners take on more responsibilities.
Furthermore, aging brings on a host of physical conditions that can affect life in the bedroom. These include sexual dysfunction, cardiovascular conditions, arthritis and rheumatism, and a host of other problems.
Whatever the reasons for brewing trouble in the bedroom — whether emotional or physical in nature — the good news is that many such problems are easily treated. Moreover, troubles in a couple's sexual relationship are often signs of other problems, and can serve as a warning sign for still bigger troubles ahead.
"A good sex life is an important part of an individual's overall health," says Mark Schoen, Ph.D., director of sex education for the Sinclair Intimacy Institute. "People who have a good sex life feel better [mentally and physically]."
"Sex can be a wonderful cementer or a terrible wedge" for relationships, says Dr. Linda Banner, Ph.D., a licensed sex therapist specializing in marriage and relationship counseling and a researcher associated with Stanford University Medical School.
Adults Have Sex 61 Times a Year
Adults, on average, have sex about 61 times per year, or slightly more than once a week, according to University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center. Marital status and age are key influences in sexual activity.
Sexual activity is 25 percent to 300 percent greater for married couples versus the non-married, depending on age. The 1998 University of Chicago report that compiled available sex research also concluded that intercourse is more frequent among couples in happier marriages.
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If I go into a grocery store and want to choose a good apple I can pick it up and I can look at it but I can't take a bite out of it to see if they taste good, then put it back. Having sex before marriage is taking a bite out of the apple before committing to it (buying it). Often it means leaving it for the next person. When I have sex with someone before marriage, I am likely having sex with someone else's future wife.
Ugly statistics - how's it working
Girls in high school graduate having had an average of six sex partners. The National Post reports the 25% of girls 15-25 years old have venereal warts. The virus is permanent. Transmission is not prevented by condoms, and even after treatment it lays dormant in the system for life and is often a pre-cursor to ovarian cancer. The daughter of a friend of mine ended up with ovarian cancer and it is questionable whether she will ever be able to have children. There are also over 60 other STD's (STI's) many of which are more serious than that. Forty years ago there were only a few STD's Oh Lord help this generation to see through the Madison Avenue lies about sex that we read about in the glamour magazines.
The radio program "Point of View" on WFCJ radio Dayton Ohio reported Dec 10, 2004 that teenager girls who have sex are 2x more likely to commit suicide than girls who practice abstinence and teenage boys who have sex are 7x more likely to commit suicide than boys who are sexually abstinent.
Why don't condoms reduce Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD's)?
The "condom sense" strategy that is being taught to high school students ignores a basic precept of human behaviour (especially men's). Getting people to think about condoms in the middle of sexual arousal is counter intuitive and quite frankly unsuccessful. Yet condoms provide a false sense of security because the couple will say "hey, we can pursue this because we have protection." The truth is that men just don't like using condoms and when both partners are aroused, the lust takes on a life of its own, and their intentions to use condoms are often thrown by the wayside. Even if they do have "safer-sex," once they feed the lust, there is a much greater chance that they will practice unsafe sex at some point.
Chastity is a better strategy, because it does not feed the lust the way that contraception does. The HPV virus passes right through condoms. Condoms often break and are often used "improperly".
Although condom packages say they are 95% effective at stopping pregnancy. their studies are conducted in labs. I don't know very many people who have sex in labs. Real world studies of condom use and their success show us that a couple who have regular sex using condoms stand a 16% chance of pregnancy in any given year. If I got on a plane and they said, "Fasten seatbelts, by the way this plane has an 84% chance of reaching its destination." I would get the heck off the plane!
We live in a culture where condoms can be handed out in schools and bibles can't. That says a lot about how far "progressive" we have become.
Condoms are a "band-aid" solution that compound the current problems and don't address the real problem, our behaviour. This "condom sense" strategy is based flase premis. It is the idea that the solution widespread sex is still more sex (using condoms) rather than taking a long sober look at what our society has become. Fr. Bob Bedard says "I would get laughed out of most high school classrooms if I simply stated that the answer to STI's is chastity, not condoms." Condoms are based on lust, chastity is based on love. I know because before I found the Lord I was very sexually active, and condoms broke while I was having sex.
The Pill is Unhealthy
If a 15 year old boy goes into a doctor's office saying "I want to get the girls, I need muscles. Can you prescribe steroids" The doctor would say "that's not good for you, go to the gym instead." But if a 15 year old girl goes to a doctor and says. "I want to get the guys, can you give me the pill (steroids)" The doctor says "fine." If you ask me, this is part of society's systematic abuse of women. In the clinical trials for the pill they tried to make a pill for men and women. One man got slightly shrunken testicles and they completely abandoned all further tests with men. In the experiments for the pill, 3 women died and all they did was adjusted the dosage. To me this is abuse of women. Women still die from the pill. Sure it is a tiny percent but with 16 million women on the pill (in the US) even low deaths rates amount to an incredible injustice against women.
In the first year of use, 50% of women stop the pill because of side affects. The pill creates depression, lowers libido, makes women more irritable, and creates weight gain. The reason is that it makes the woman's body think it is in its first few weeks of pregnancy. And women in their first weeks of pregnancy have depression, lower libido, are more irritable, and gain weight. In a pregnancy these side effects go away. On the pill, these side effects go on indefinitely.
The pill may be an aborfacient. Pill manufacturers themselves say it works in 3 ways, (1) it stops ovulation, (2)the pill changes viscosity of mucus to inhibit travel, if there is a breakthrough ovulation, (3) Many health care professionals believe that the pill reduces endometrial receptivity, and therefore will reduce the chances of attachment of the fertilized egg (the little 1 day old baby) to the uterus wall. Source: Randy Alcorn found a paper entitled The effect of oral contraceptive pills on markers of endometrial receptivity (Somkuti, et al., Fertility and Sterility Vol. 65, No.3, pp. 484-488, 1996). referenced from http://www.aaplog.org/collition.htm
The pill is the result of an anti-life attitude. Many abortions occurs because of failed contraception by people who were not open to life, before they jumped into bed. Before I became Christian and cleaned up my life I had a girlfriend who was a medical doctor. She was on the pill and knew how to use the pill. She got pregnant while using the pill properly. In our secular mindset, abortion looked like the logical solution. It was the worst mistake I've ever made in my life. My abortion story is here.
What the heck is "fornication"?
I have a friend who started having sex with his girlfriend. He was interested in Christianity. He was going to a United Church and started a Bible study. He was over to my place and I asked how he reconciled his interest in Christianity with his sex life. He said there's nowhere in the Bible where it says not to have sex before marriage. He said he searched for it and couldn't find it. Then it struck me that he didn't know the meaning of "fornication." I pulled out a dictionary:
Fornication: Voluntary sexual intercourse other than between a married couple, especially where either person or both persons are unmarried. (Gage Dictionary)
His face dropped as I took him through verse after verse. (Mt: 15:19, Mk 7:21, Acts 15:20, 29, 21:25, 1 Cor 6:13, 18, Gal 5:19, Eph 5:3, Col 3:5, 1 Thes 4:3, Rev 2:14, 20-21, 9:21 etc...) It seems the Bible has a lot to say on this topic. It puts "sex before marriage" (fornication) right up there with the worst of sins of humanity such as murder, theft etc... Ouch!!!!
The body is meant not for fornication but for the Lord, and the Lord for the Body, and God raised the Lord and will also raise us by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? (1 Co 6:13)
"Fornication" sounds like such a stale archaic word that our generation doesn't even know what it means. It sounds outdated. But this is the genius of mass marketing. Sex sells... sex sells cloths, it sells movies, it sells magazines, it sells everything. Our present attitude towards sex is the result of mass marketing. Our generation believes they are thinking for themselves when having sex before marriage. But they are the product of mass media.
Sex is fun and free, Jesus was into fun and freedom, so why are you Catholics so uptight?
Now I can hear someone out there saying "c'mon, sex is fun, God wants us to have fun...sexual freedom is great."
What the great dispute about is over the meaning of "freedom," Is freedom simply to do whatever you want to do? Or is real freedom the freedom to do what you ought to do? Now the herd of independent thinkers in the dominant western culture believes the first. It's simply being shackled to one's own passions and desires and impulses. (Fr. John Neuhaus explains, Oct. 12, 2003, CNS news Sun Morning)
Jesus was not hung up on social conventions. He freely ignored stupid social conventions such as being forbidden to hang out with the Samaritans. But when it came to sex he was very serious. Why were Jesus and the apostles so uptight about sex when they were so radical about breaking down other social barriers? I think it is because they knew something that modern culture has forgotten.
Sex is powerful
People are born from sex, people die from sex (STD's). If I get a powerful gift for Christmas, say a car, there are rules that keep me safe. I think it is the same with sexuality.
For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters, only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for self-indulgence ... (Gal 5:1, 13-18)
Today, society considers the Catholic Church's views on sex "regressive, old fashioned and medieval". But "modern society" is more "regressive" than the Church. It is following Caligula in ancient Rome.
Perhaps the Church is Medieval, but if that is so,
then modern society is Primal!
The #1 dance song hit a couple of years ago was:
You and me baby, we ain't nothing but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the discovery channel
Never before in history has mankind been so sex centred. Internet porn (the "crack cocaine" of sex addiction), late night TV, and even sex on prime time TV are just a few ways that society pushes pornography right into our homes. Viagra is a top selling drug. Men can't keep up with the amount of sex they think they should have. My email inbox is full of the same kind of male enhancement spam as everyone else. In 2001, the National Post reported that 25% of girls in the age bracket 15-25 have venereal warts (which freely pass through condoms). Statistics Canada reports 100,000 abortions a year. In the gay community the stats are just as dramatic with their own set of devastating consequences. Recent laws and policies aimed at reducing those statistics by granting more sexual freedom have not diminished those statistics, in fact there has been an increase in suicide, STD's, alcoholism, and partner abuse.
Yet even with these devastating facts, modern culture thinks everybody has to have sex. People who don't have sex are viewed with pity or contempt. We wonder what is wrong with them. Psychiatrists have a field day with people who feel called to celibacy. Teenagers who want to wait until marriage are ridiculed by their peers. I don't believe the answer to our problems is more freedom using contraception and "safer sex" with condoms. I believe the solution is a personal relationship with Jesus and his call to chastity.
Sex creates an eternal bond, and needs to be a lifetime partnership
Sex creates an unbreakable bond for eternity with the sex partner. (1 Cor 6:16) That's why it needs to happen only within the eternal bond of marriage. One reason so few people are capable of intimacy today is because that spiritual centre of union with another person has been scattered in bits and pieces all over their previous partner's lives. They have been hurt and with each hurt they close down a little more. Honestly, that is exactly what happened to me until I eventually was incapable of commitment.
Sex before marriage means broken hearts and broken bonds. Broken hearts don't trust others as much. People with broken hearts don't trust themselves as much. People think they should take a partner out for a "test drive" before getting married. But this hasn't made it easier to learn if the person is compatible because couples having sex often overlook important differences cause the sex is good. People who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate.
I'm having sex with someone's future spouse
If we have sex with someone before marriage and then break up with them, we have had sex with someone's future spouse. The scary thing is that doesn't consciously bother many people today. Unfortunately, the net result is that marriage is much more fragile. Most couples who have had premarital sex with others don't stick together. The bonding and commitment necessary to maintain and sustain a marriage during the hard times just aren't there. Pre marital sex makes for "fair weather" marriages.
Catholic definitions:
• Chastity: No sex outside of marriage, sex is perfectly acceptable in the context of a marriage blessed by the Church.
• Marriage: An unbreakable lifelong union between one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others.
• Celibacy: Abstinence from sex, and usually implies remaining single.
The Catholic Church has always asserted that chastity, or alternatively celibacy, are the correct expressions of our sexual natures. This is supported by the Bible. It applies to everyone, including straights, gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered, two-spirited people (GLBT)etc. I know that would get me laughed out of a university class on human behavior and unfortunately out of many psychiatrist's offices.
Yeah but I'm not promiscuous, I only have one partner. What's wrong with that?
Couples who stick together after pre marital sex and end up marrying are much more likely to divorce. Sad but true. Any short look at our society will back it up. It is stepping across a huge line in the "spiritual" sand. I recently listened to a French children's "call-in" program on CBC radio in Canada that interviewed children whose parents had broken up. The show is normally fun and light but this particular program made me want to cry. The children were devastated.
Bill Gates turns African women into human Guinea Pigs on clinical trials
Here is part of an article in the Ottawa Citizen:
Tool in fight against AIDS found to boost disease risk
Promising vaginal gel had been in trials in South Africa
High hopes for a product developed by a Toronto-based company to stem the spread of AIDS in Africa have been dashed after clinical tests showed users were more likely to become infected with the deadly disease. (Katie Lewis, The Ottawa Citizen, Thursday, February 08, 2007)
The Bill Gates Foundation failed at its anti AIDS vaginal gel. One of the most intelligent men in the world and the richest human on the planet ate humble pie. After an investment of more than 40 million dollars Bill and Melinda Gates' solution to AIDS in africa has turned out to actually increase the incidence of AIDS. Test trials on 3,000 high risk women (prostitutes etc) using the anti-AIDS vaginal gel completely failed and tons of them got AIDS. In fact, the vaginal gel actually increased the incidence of AIDS among these women. The directors of the tests called the women “heros.” I couldn’t help but think what he actually thought they were human laboratory mice. He said this was empowering to women, while he caused them to be infected with AIDS. These African women became failed guinea pigs for clinical testing that he could not get away with on North American women. All in the name of humanity eh?
The press says we Catholics are “old fashioned” and “dangerous” to think that the idea chastity and faith is the answer for Africa. I’m still waiting for them to come up with a better idea. Bombing them with condoms has been a complete failure. We would rather bomb them with condoms than to look at our western immorality.
A word of warning by Dr. Lawrence white
We live in a society where passions are riderless horses, uncontrolled and uncontrollable, in which there is a desolation of decency, in which love has become a jungle emotion, lust exalted to lordship, sin elevated to sovereignty, Satan adored as a saint, and man magnified above his Maker. Americans have come to dwell in an Alice in Wonderland world of fantasy, of self-delusion. Everything has been turned upside down and inside out in our America. Right is wrong, and wrong is right. Good is bad and bad is good. Normal is abnormal, and abnormal is normal, true is false and false is true. We are fast degenerating into a decadent culture obsessed with selfishness and sin, death and destruction. Address at Midwestern Seminary, Kansas City. September 6, 2000
Sex and society since the acceptance of birth control
Contraception launched a lifestyle of sex outside of marriage. Today 67% of youth are sexually active before marriage. Teenagers are about as good at contraception as they are at making their beds, doing their homework and doing their chores. In 1966, 6% white babies were born pout of wedlock, now its up to 25%. In 1967, 22% of black babies were born out of wedlock, now 66% of black babies are born out of wed lock. There is much talk about women's rights but what about children's rights? This is not good for children. Most Psychologists are agreed that children with both parents stand a better chance of growing up well adjusted.
Sex before marriage means many more broken hearts and broken bonds. Broken hearts don't trust as much. Don't trust themselves as much. People think they should take a partner out for a "test drive" before getting married. But this hasn't made it easier to learn if the person is compatible, because couples having sex often overlook important differences cause the sex is good. People who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate. Abortion is huge today.
The Catholic Church predicted the future of a contraception Society.
In the 1968 document "Humane Vitae," everybody felt like a bomb hit society. The Catholic Church was reaffirming its stance on contraception. In Section 6, Pope Paul VI makes several predictions. He said we would see:
1. Lowering of morality, (check out today's afternoon soaps, talk shows, MTV)
2. Disregard for physical and emotional well being of women by men. (internet porn)
3. Government would use family planning for coercive purposes. (UN population control)
4. Women would begin to treat their bodies as if they are machines. (Surrogate mothers, invitro fertilizations.)
Contraception paved the way to the "free sex" movement of the 1960's. In 70 years since contraception was accepted, we in modern society have become increasingly sex centred. Before I became Christian in 1987, I was as bad as anyone else - a Tom Cat. I was a musician on the road. I was involved with two abortions and had a string of broken relationships and infidelity. I'm not here to judge. Thank God for the freedom and forgiveness I've received in Jesus.
If you're married or thinking about getting married, at some point or another you've wondered what better sex in marriage would be like or how sex in marriage could be improved.
Keeping the sexual spark alive in a marriage or in a long-term relationship is easier said than done. However, couples who take time to cultivate and maintain healthy and satisfying sexual relations tend to be more connected with each other and do not suffer from depression, heart problems and other health maladies, experts say.
The daily routines of life — whether careers, children or financial responsibilities — challenge couples to keep alive that flame that initially brought them together. From a practical standpoint, there's less time for sex and intimacy as relationships develop and individual partners take on more responsibilities.
Furthermore, aging brings on a host of physical conditions that can affect life in the bedroom. These include sexual dysfunction, cardiovascular conditions, arthritis and rheumatism, and a host of other problems.
Whatever the reasons for brewing trouble in the bedroom — whether emotional or physical in nature — the good news is that many such problems are easily treated. Moreover, troubles in a couple's sexual relationship are often signs of other problems, and can serve as a warning sign for still bigger troubles ahead.
"A good sex life is an important part of an individual's overall health," says Mark Schoen, Ph.D., director of sex education for the Sinclair Intimacy Institute. "People who have a good sex life feel better [mentally and physically]."
"Sex can be a wonderful cementer or a terrible wedge" for relationships, says Dr. Linda Banner, Ph.D., a licensed sex therapist specializing in marriage and relationship counseling and a researcher associated with Stanford University Medical School.
Adults Have Sex 61 Times a Year
Adults, on average, have sex about 61 times per year, or slightly more than once a week, according to University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center. Marital status and age are key influences in sexual activity.
Sexual activity is 25 percent to 300 percent greater for married couples versus the non-married, depending on age. The 1998 University of Chicago report that compiled available sex research also concluded that intercourse is more frequent among couples in happier marriages.
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